Jeremy Writes- The Honeymoon, Part III

I have my suspicions that Jess set our wedding date when she did so that I wouldn’t be able to forget an anniversary.

Next year I’ll think… “Oooh! My birthday’s coming up! Oooh, my anniversary’s coming up, too!”

I hit the big 3-1 on Tuesday. And felt every bit older.

My neck was really sore.

I pin the blame on this book I was reading.

It was a good book, and so I continued reading it…and reading it…and eyes heavy….and reading it…. until Jess found me the next morning on the loveseat, the book on the floor beside me.

And the loveseat had these crazy high armrests, so my neck was bent at near a 90 degree angle for most of the night.

Ugh.

We went out for breakfast. I ordered a Philly steak omelette. On the menu it said Philly steak, mushrooms, peppers, and Swiss cheese. Swiss cheese? Who puts Swiss cheese on a Philly steak? That’s the way they do it down South, I guess. I substituted cheddar. It wasn’t authentic, but it was much closer than Swiss would have been.

Jess had planned something special for the day. Involving stingrays.

No, no…. not THAT.

We went swimming with them.

I was a little apprehensive. Steve Irwin swam with the rays, too. And, crikey!

We were picked up at the hotel by Mindy and Ray. The guy’s name was actually Ray. I think it would have been cooler if the girl’s name was Amanda. You know…. Amanda Ray? A manta ray? You… no? Well…. I thought it would have been cool.

So, we arrive at the Ripley’s Aquarium, and Mindy Ray take us to a table in the cafeteria to give us instructions and tell us some sting ray factoids and what have you. Several tables over, an employee is eating lunch. I believe it was a fish filet sandwich. And I thought that was a horribly mean thing to eat in an aquarium. Maybe it was a slow learner. The other fish, I’m guessing, could see him eating their fallen comrade. Then again, what would the fish think? “Look at that guy! He’s eating one of us! Th…. oh, hey, coral!”

Jess and I put on wet suits. And, thank God for small favors… I’m really glad I don’t have a rubber fetish. Because those wet suits left nothing to the imagination. Ray is one of only a handful of people who now knows which of my testicles hang lower than the other.

We slip into frigid water and kneel as Ray holds out pieces of raw squid. One by one, the sting rays come over and eat, and we get to pet them. They feel really odd, like rosary beads encased in jello.

Then, it was off to Medieval Times, a dinner theater where knights joust while we eat.

If it weren’t for the glowing red Exit signs and the holograms projected on the ground, I would have actually thought I was magically whisked away to… to Medieval Times.

It was cheesy as all hell, but fun.

We cheered on the black and white knight. He lost in the first round.

Before he “died” he gave Jess a carnation. Just handed it to her. And, I wanted to say “Hey, back off, F**k-o, we just got married.”

But, I didn’t.

And then he “died.”

Serves him right, the home wrecker.

I also discovered (at the end of the night, unfortunately) that the chintzy souvenir flags they give you can be used as a straw.

 

More later!