The Honeymoon- Part II, according to Jeremy

We awoke Monday morning at a Sheraton in Myrtle Beach.

The resort gave us a list of weekly activities upon our arrival.

We were able to look at the itinerary for a good few seconds on Sunday night prior to passing out, the print embedded on our faces like a Mary Worth cartoon in silly putty. Not that anyone ever reads Mary Worth. But, it seems a popular putty cartoon. That and the Family Circus.

Anyways, we had circled an activity or four that we were interested in participating in.

The first was at two that afternoon. The Newlywed game.

Jess and I always joked that we should set up e-Harmony accounts and honestly answer the questions, and see how compatable we are with one another. We were guessing our compatibility would be, numberwise, like the average temperature in Antarctica.

We never got around to doing that.

But, the Newlywed game proved that we knew some stuff about one another.

Proof positive… the first question I was asked was “Real or fictional, name a television character that reminds your wife of you.”

With a fraction of a seconds worth of hesitation, I responded “Homer Simpson.”

I was right.

All in all, I think I answerd 5 of her questions correctly, and she answered four or five of mine.

We won by a landslide. Of course, we were the only ones playing. I think that was because the other Newlyweds were busy setting up e-Harmony accounts on their laptops to test how peaceful their future together would be.

So, we earned ourselves (by default, sure, but… whatever. We aced that Newlywed game.) ten dollars toward our next meal at the Melting Pot. Hooray, fondue!

We went back to our room and flipped on the television while getting changed into our “nice clothes,” which for me was a T shirt with nothing profane printed on the front. The TV called for a severe thunderstorm in the area where we were staying. So, we did what any sane, rational, college-educated couple would do.

We went miniature golfing.

Ben Franklin would have shit himself, were he still alive. Had we watched the full news brief, the anchors probably said in their report “We strongly suggest that you DON’T go to a really high point with a WATERFALL running through it and wave a GIANT METAL ROD over your head.” But, what do they know? We survived.

And then ate seafood.

I know rain on the wedding day is supposed to signify good luck (we got the rain soon after our reception. The weather beforehand was gorgeous. Lovely wedding weather..), but I wonder if torrential downpours on the first full day of the honeymoon sort of negate all of that good luck.

So, the remainder of the night was sort of a wash… literally.

And, we didn’t pack any of our Netflix.

So, we spent the remainder of the evening watching television…. without the Versus network.

But, within a span of ten seconds, Jess’s Dad called her, my Dad called me, and Pron sent a text message alerting us that underdog Philly had beaten the Canadiens.

And there was much rejoicing.

And lots of watching America’s Funniest Home Videos.

It was the best thing on. Really.

All in all, a good first full day in South Carolina.

Jessica’s Response to- The Honeymoon Part I

Yes, we are married. Since my husband (I’m still in that stage where it gives me a little tickle to write or say that word, so forgive me) neglected to write about the event itself, I’ll try to wrap it up in a simple paragraph. Think of this as the ESPN highlightreel of the big day, except be sure to think of me as Michelle Bonner and not Cindy Brunson. It’s not that I have anything against Cindy, I just think Michelle more my type of gal.

Anyway.

Our entire wedding day is sort of a blur to me, and not just because of those liberally poured glasses of Dom Perignon I was drinking. I think I was just so wrapped up in the moment that it seemed to pass in a matter of minutes, when in reality I was up at the ass crack of dawn with sweaty palms and a nervous stomach. We had the University of Delaware’s awesome String Quartet playing Beatles tunes during the ceremony, which everyone seemed to dig. Walking down the aisle to “I Will” played on strings was one of the highlights of my day. It was all incredibly emotional – from my Dad crying as he walked me down the aisle, to both Jeremy and I excitingly shouting out our vows. Pictures followed on the gorgeous campus of my Alma Mater and then we were off to our reception.

One thing my husband (!) didn’t mention is that after our first dance (To Ben Folds’ “The Luckiest”) he took the microphone and gave a tear-jerking speech equating the chances of us meeting with winning the lottery, that didn’t leave a dry eye in the house. At least, this is what I’m told. I was only looking at him.

Okay, enough sappy stuff. Onto the Honeymoon- Day 1. We stopped over my Aunt Polly and Uncle Fred’s place for a brunch they were kind enough to host. When I say brunch, you may think it was a small gathering of a family, but you apparently don’t know how we do. There were at least 50 family members at this brekfast soiree, and I loved every minute of it. It’s always awesome being around the whole family, many of whom flew in from Texas, and we had a fantastic time stuffing our faces with bacon and eggs and whatnot.

 We got on the road, and plugged in our little GPS system. We had decided that since the GPS would be with us on our trip, it needed a name, and we both agreed to name it the first female name we saw on a roadsign. I mean, this thing talks! It knows where you are! It’s kind of scary, but less so with a name. Maryland was one of the first sort-of names to come up, but it would have been cheating to call her Mary, so when an electronic marquee on the Bob Carpenter Stadium said something about Hannah, she was christened.

And then she died.

Apparently, something is wrong with her inner workings, and she wouldn’t charge like she was supposed to. Luckily, I consulted Mapquest and printed out directions before we left. RIP, Hannah. Someone better have the receipt for that shiznit!

We drove. And drove. And then drove some more. Now, I love road trips, I do. We’ve driven out to Chicago and down to southern Tennessee and I prefer it to flying any day of the week. But no matter how into the scenery I am, and no matter how much I enjoy my husband’s (!) company, there comes a point where you just run out of funny stories to relive and Cosmo quizes to take.  Somewhere in Virginia, we did stop at Cracker Barrel. The okra was nasty. It was like eating celery tempura. I gave mine to Jeremy, which he proceeded to eat like it was the last can of sardines in Cold War Russia. Then we got back in the car and drove some more.

Somewhere in North Carolina, both of my ass cheeks fell asleep, and it started to rain. Then it started to pour. Then it started to really pour. Even in my sleepy haze, I managed to tighten my seatbelt, grip the door handle with white knuckle strength , and tell Jeremy every fourteen seconds that he should just pull over to the side of the road until the storms passed. He kept on going, muttering something about a “pace car” in front of him, and eventually we made it out, although I was mysteriously missing an earring. Interesting.

We got to our hotel, which was pretty radical. It had a kitchen, living room, bedroom, washer, dryer, dishwasher… we don’t even have a dishwasher here at home! The one thing it was missing was a balcony. It seemed like our joint was the only place not to have one. Weak.  As it turned out we were really only in the room for peeing, sleeping, and watching Lifetime movies once our sunburned bodies gave out on us, so it wasn’t such a big deal.

The first night we both fell asleep with the lights and TV on. Romance, can you hear me? Romance?

Stay tuned for Part 2, coming up with PICTURES!